After my visa was granted, I began bubbling over with excitement about the trip. First stop? Google maps. Let’s see how far it is from Sydney to Brisbane in kilometers! Kirk and I are talking about buying a car or a beat-up VW bus, the later being more likely, upon our grand arrival on February 1st, 2010.

Wait a second… 02012010. There’s some reverse mirror image stuff going on there. Astrological date of prosperity? Good luck?! Eh, probably not.

Anyways, off to I type in Sydney, Australia to Brisbane:

Ok, well clearly that route is not taking me to Brisbane, Australia. You can see, the blue line bypasses Brisbane, quietly sitting there on the coast, an inch above Sydney. What is this nonsense?  A trail heading straight off the northern edge of the country? I scanned the beginning of the directions:

Ahh. Brisbane, California. I didn’t even know there was a Brisbane in California. But wait, now this is intriguing. How exactly does Google plan on getting me across the Pacific Ocean?

Certainly not with their usual methods of travel:

A) Car
B) Walk
C) Public Transportation

Unless giant sea turtles now wear harnesses and have docking stations near bus stops…

Um, step #123?

Right, I forgot one:

D) Be Superhuman.

Kayak across the PACIFIC OCEAN?! Suuure, no problem.  I bet the Google code programmer who came up with that is laughing his a** off right now.